ROLL UP! ROLL UP!

Get your tickets here for a circus of eight-wheeled wonder!

Watch the amazing leopard clad women take on the Brighton rockers in our first home bout of 2012

Formidable opponents in summer 2011, the Rockers won by a narrow 9 points! But now on home turf, the Rollerbillies resemble a trained pack of leopards and will be aiming to delight the local crowd!

GASP! MARVEL! THRILL! SCREAM!

there will be bunting, face-painting, carnival games and thrilling half-time entertainment.

When: Saturday, 14th April
Time: Doors 4pm, game starts 5pm
Where: Kelsey Kerridge Sports Centre, Queen Anne Terrace, Cambridge, CB1 1NA
Ticket: Adults £7 advance
Children £4
Under 5s FREE!

*P&P for mail orders £2

So, signoffs. All I’ve learnt over the last six weeks put to the test. I know I can do some things well, I know I suck at others. But I’m gonna go for it!

You get scored out of 4 on loads of different skills and drills taught over the last few weeks, and need to get an average of 3 to pass. Well, I nearly passed. Soooo close! I managed 2.87 – I’m not unhappy with this! I kinda knew I wasn’t good enough on some skills to pass – my T-stops in particular suuuuuck. But to come so close is inspiring. In my speed laps I did my 25 in 5 minutes 1 second, so I want to improve on that. I know most people do the course twice, so I’m determined to nail it next time.

But it’s not just ‘sink or swim’. I think I said it to Dusti, Mischief and Phoenix, but it’s worth repeating here… I’m really amazed and grateful for just how much time you all spend coaching me during a session. It’s appreciated, is inspiring, and is helping me improve so quickly. It was only three weeks ago I pulled on skates for the first time ever and promptly fell flat on my arse, but today I was taking part in all sorts of drills at speed. And it really is every skater helping and coaching each other, advanced skaters and newbies alike – so many of you giving me pointers and spending time with me to focus on skills – such a great atmosphere. Thankyou all!

Note to self: need to practice plough and T-stops A LOT so that non-contact actually means non-contact when I’m around. Oh, and control my bloody arms so I don’t hit people in the face. Sorry about that one…

Last night was great! I didn’t think throwing yourself at the ground was meant to be quite so much fun? Well, I was grinning my ass off all the way through, and can safely say I thoroughly acquainted myself with the floor. We’re total bezzies now. Managing to bruise the best part of my elbow through my elbow pad somehow? Epic fail.
Dead chuffed for my first time on wheels. I couldn’t even move at the start of the night, but by the end I was loving it (if still wobbly as hell). I need to get the whole forward momentum thing a bit more together and I’ll be away… some practice to be done, but I thought I’d be worse to be honest!
Thanks to Mischief, Phoenix and Dusti for some awesome coaching. You guys made it so easy to pick stuff up.

and if you want to have some fun and build up a collection of interesting and unexplained bruises (and frankly who wouldn’t) come and give roller derby a go. Our beginners sessions run on Thursdays 7-9pm at the spandex palace.
Email us at info@rollerbillies.com or click on the fancy-schmancy contact us button at the top of the page for details

*http://www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/1769/allamerican-chocolate-chunk-cookies

So, after two years of training in tiny little sports halls we were actually bouncing off the walls, and desperate to get more than one training session a week. The epic forces of space and time were conspiring against us. What could we do?

Luckily, She-Ra appeared.

“Oh Rollerbillies,” she said, “you shall have your very own warehouse!” Golden sparkles filled the air and we found ourselves transported to a derelict building near the allotments. Grey dust filled our eyes as the ceiling threatened to fall in on our heads.

“Awesome!” we exclaimed. “What shall we call it?”

“The Spandex Palace works for me,” said She-Ra, “I think if you ripped that suspended ceiling out, found an angle grinder to take out those studs in the floor and padded those small columns, this place would be the nuts. You could even get pegs with your names on.”

Our eyes glazed over with rapture as the air was filled with swirly light and possibly particles of asbestos. “By the way,” said She-Ra, “there’s a stack of mattresses no one’s using in the other room – help yourselves.”

Fabulous secrets had been revealed to us. “You have the power tools!” said She-Ra.

“Where do we plug them in..?” we asked. But she was gone. The building has been unoccupied for the last two years, so we are officially off grid. Despite this oversight on She-Ra’s part, we were undeterred. We’re grassroots. Like, where the dirt is. We know people with generators. The demolition job began.

LRG have spent the last four years inspiring, generously assisting, and ably dominating leagues across the UK. They’ve set the bar for the sport in Europe, easily defeating their closest European rivals by margins of two and three hundred points, so whilst the rest of us have been playing catch up with LRG, we wanted to know whether they would still be playing catch up with the rest of the world. Were they finally going to get their asses kicked? This was the game with the answers.

The Texas Rollergirls, formed in 2003 and currently sitting in third spot in the DNN power rankings, looked ready to put their mark on the game. If there were spandex rankings in derby, and there should be, these women would surely win prizes. The Hustlers went straight to business with a power lineup in the first jam, but Acute Angel was swiftly sent off for a track cut, giving London’s Sky Rockit a surprise 10 point power jam and putting the Texans on the back foot. But it wasn’t long before Molotov M Pale took 10 points and equalized. As the Hustlers took a single point to lead, only to have Brawling take one back to re-equalise, a pattern began to emerge: both teams working their defense, delivering split-second call offs, and waiting. This was a game of very few, but very crucial, opportunities – and plenty of surprises.

Neither side could hang onto the lead for long: when Stefanie Mainey, jamming for Brawling, was sent to the box, Molotov seized her moment to snag a 10 point lead for the Hustlers, only to have Mainey storm out in the next jam to juke her way to another 10, evening the score again at 21-21. Both sides inched forward, tussling for a few points, right up until the final jam of the period when Molotov took a trip to the box and opened up another power jam for London. Sky Rockit hopped straight through the pack on the inside line to take lead, and the Brawling defense trapped Curvette to haul the pack back and force the Hustlers’ remaining blockers to overstretch. Sky sucked up an audacious minor track cut and cruised out of the jam 10 points up, bringing the half time score to 39-30 for London.

Both teams brought a strong defense to the second period. Texas dominated the front of the pack, with Babe Ruthless frequently forming a relentless one woman wall of doom for London’s jammers. Another power jam saw them regain the lead by one point, only to have London grab it back again, and two nail biting jams later the box was getting busy and points were tied at 55-55. Then at 57-57! Then at 61-61! Ten minutes on the clock, The Final Countdown on the PA, and dancing on the jam line: this was the greatest game of roller derby we’d seen in our lives.

The power ballads seemed to refuel the Texans, and they launched into the home straight determined to break the stalemate. Bloody Mary motored off the jam line, leaving Belle Starr to sweep in and take out Kamikaze Kitten. Mary breezed through the London defense to put the Hustlers into the lead by 4. Forced to play catch up, Brawling found themselves digging deep as their jammers’ minors caught up with them. When the Hustlers got another power jam, the London pack managed to out sprint Bloody Mary, but when Axis of Evon was sent off, Texas lost no time corralling a gazelle, allowing Acute Angel to add a further 3 points to their lead and leaving London with their jammer in the box at the start of the final play. Not content with a mere 6 point lead, the Hustlers pulled out a truly monstrous 15 point final jam and sealed the score at a decisive 84-63.

Verdict? Outstanding spandex. And a totally riveting game with standard setting play from both sides. We just haven’t seen a game as fast, close, and tactically demanding before. And we’ve finally seen LRG meet their match – and in the process play their best derby yet. Highlights? Two things: firstly it has to be the spandex. Secondly, you know how Mainey usually plays like it’s a pleasant stroll to the shops?

I caught up some Texans to get their thoughts on the game. Molotov said “It would’ve been really foolish for us to come here expecting to dominate.. as a team, we went into it like we’d go into one of our home games, not knowing how it would go. It was a rough game.. they had obviously studied our nationals footage! But at the end of a week of traveling and training.. going into the game with all those crazy emotions, it was awesome.”

“I was really surprised,” said Babe Ruthless, “not that they were good, but that they were really good.. every trick we had they had it too.”

And how did London Brawling respond to their first defeat? “it was so, so awesome!” said Grievous Bodily Charm*. And how are they feeling about playing more US teams? “I was worried the tour would be intimidating” said Sky, “but now I feel like it will be really fun.” Team captain Kamikaze Kitten was typically focused: “I’ve never been so exhausted after fighting my way out of the pack,” she said “I’m determined to work harder.”

“I was so proud of everyone,” said Molotov. “All I could think was: congratulations.. I think they [LRG] are going to get a lot more teams wanting to play them.” So not just an amazing game to watch, but a validating experience for London. “It feels like we’ve always been chasing America” said May BTwisted, “and now we’re not just the little sisters anymore.”

And the reaction from the Rollerbillies? We are so getting leotards.

Thank you to Hurt Reynolds and Justice Feelgood for letting me write this up for DNN, and thanks to Teshi Tailor for triumphing over the forces of high speed action to deliver these quality shots.

* okay, possibly not in response to that exact question.

Bout one: Team White vs Team Black:

Two B teams made up of women from teams all over the country. You could feel the excitement in the air as many of the skaters hit the track (sometimes literally) for the first time. All that training, all the hard work, and so much commitment, finally finding its expression in a momentous sweaty blur.

Having never skated together before, both sides spent the first half finding their feet, and often finding their way to the penalty box, but by half time both teams were beginning to gel. The second half began with Team Black in possession of a 24 point lead, and Team White took to the track determined to close the gap. The pace increased as the period progressed, and a combination of solid three player defensive walls and a couple of textbook jams by Team White took them to within 4 points of equalising. Team Black were forced to play hard to retain their lead, and it all got a bit exciting and shouty, but ultimately the women in Black kept it together and finished on 155 points to team White’s 145.

Bout two: Lincolnshire Bombers vs Central City: The Belles of Centrinnians made an impressive start, consistently taking lead and picking up 40 points to the Bombers’ 7 in the first eight jams. CCR’s jamming triangle of death, Hustle’her, Block Star, and Billie Whizz sliced past the Bombers’ front wall, whilst their blockers dominated in the pack and Tragic visited her wrath on the opposing jammers. The Bombers began to get into their stride as the first half progressed, picking up lead jammer with more frequency, but in the face of such assertive play they were stuck playing CCR’s game and finished the period with 30 points to the Centrinnians’ 65.

But it’s always a different game in the second half and the Bombers came back on determined to set their own agenda. Ce Cee Slam’er, Inya Head and Minx a’matosis showed steely determination to grab lead, and with their blockers upping the energy on their hits they started raking some points back. But the Centrinnians’ jammers were tough to contain and shot out of the pack right behind the Bombers’, scoring hard on their heels and nomming into their points differential. It was a hard and pacey second period with much more competitive game play, but the Centrinnians  had a selection of tricks up their armsocks, and maintained their cool and their advantage, ending the game with 130 to the hosts’ 79.

“Yes, but how did the girls feel about it?!”, I hear you exclaim. Well, you’re in luck because The Romsey Town Rollerbillies own Lil Mischief, Dusti Knuckles, and Phoenix in Flames skated their stripey little socks off in the first bout, and are here to bring you the action in their own words. Over to you girls…

Lil Mischief #16

“I was excited to be playing with people I’d never met before. I was also nervous about it. I worried I’d be the worst on the team and let everyone down and I worried it would be hard to get us working as a team as we wouldn’t know each other’s skate styles and strategies. The warm up was really fun and helped us get to know each other, and get a chance to try stuff out on the track. It was a pretty reasonable surface but for some reason plough stops were really tricky. Everyone was lovely – really friendly and a great laugh. It made me feel so much better.

I was still nervous as hell when the bout started. We had our skate out and I nearly forgot to wave when my name got called. At least I didn’t fall over! As I watched the first jam the excitement overtook the nerves and I couldn’t wait to get out on the track. My legs were shaking on my first lineup but I as fine once I started skating. I don’t remember much about the game – it all went so fast! At first it was hard to keep our defense together and get everyone working as a team. We were having difficulty walling up and defending and Team Black seemed to get it together really fast and soon took the lead. But as we played together we started working as a team more. By the second half we were playing much better and were narrowing the gap in the scores. We were jamming smarter and blocking better. I loved every minute! Couldn’t believe it when the final whistle blew – wish we could have had a few more minutes!”

Phoenix in Flames #177
“I was SO nervous but was lucky enough to have Dusti by my side as a team-mate and that was really reassuring. I had met a few of the girls on both teams a few weeks before, at Rainy City’s bootcamp and knowing what I was coming up against helped relieve a LOT of the anxieties I had about my own skating ability. Team Black managed to get to know a bit about each other via a Facebook group – this really helped on the day & I think contributed a lot to the team working well together.

Dusti and I lined up together on the first jam; by that point the anxieties had melted away and I was really raring to go!! I could see my family and RTRB team-mates on the front row cheering us on and desperately wanted to do them proud! The bout went by in a blur and I have NO idea how well I played, although found out that I should definitely not try jamming. Ever. What a disaster! But Dusti and I must have done something right as we played nearly every other jam and it felt amazing to work well with skaters I hardly knew. We tried really hard as a team to get the opportunity to push ourselves and try different positions and that worked really well. The two teams were put together well and we were pretty evenly matched – we had to work really hard to get our win!

The re-match (hopefully it’ll happen!) will be epic – Team White will out to prove they’re the queens of the track and we’ll be fighting so hard to keep our title! I have to say a HUGE thank you to Alma Geddon who was a brilliant captain and an even bigger thank you to all of LBRG who put this together for us – what an amazing opportunity it was for new skaters & a huge contribution to the UK derby scene!”

If you’re not already in the derby community, dear readers, this could be you! So far, the Rollerbillies have played one bout against Glasglow B, and our players have skated in our mixed side, Team East Angrier, against Stuttgart Valley Rollergirls and London Rollergirls. We’ve also guest skated for Central City and Bedfordshire Rollergirls, so we’ve got a mix of experience in the team. We’re always looking for new skaters and we’re committed to training them up right and giving them the opportunity to compete. There’s a bout out there for everyone, so what are you waiting for – come and check derby out for yourselves. Hit the I want in! page above to find out how.

Thanks again to the Bombers for a great event, and for inviting our lovely Quad Ophelia to be your lineup manager. We’re really sorry we got the writeup out so late. Photo credits: Jason Ruffel (1), In Depth Photos (2, 3, 4, 7, 8 ) Hannah ‘H’annihilation‘ Edmonds (5), Daz Wilson (6), and Adam Rhoades (9, 10).